Sunday, 4 April 2010

|Press Release| The Nuclear Liability Bill is in our National Interests

It has been proven that Global Warming was a liberal conspiracy to screw us over. Out of every 1000 pages of scientific reports published on global warming you will find two complete sentences that quote an inappropriate source! After such monumental oversight, the urban Naxals now want to deny us a right to nuclear energy by criminalizing industrial accidents incidents. Why should we let them have their way?

Nuclear incidents pose NO threat (e.g. Chernobyl)
  • After the minor leak in Chernobyl, the dirty red communists in Russia used scare tactics to evacuate residents from the area.
  • The real reason for evacuation was not nuclear radiation but faulty Geiger counters produced in socialist factories that showed up vast quantities of radiation when there was actually no radiation. We all know that factories with unions produce faulty goods. 
  • Since all residents were evacuated there is no way to prove that several generations will be affected by the incident. Any genetic mutation amongst animals in the region has to be put down to Darwin’s theory of evolution.
  • More importantly, Chernoby happened before Google (BG) putting it so far in the past that it loses all relevance.
Nuclear technology is safer than air-travel
  • More people die when travelling to the airport than do people of nuclear radiation. (If there is such a thing as death by Radiation).
  • For the enviro-terrorists reading this – apples and oranges are both fruits. They can and should be compared. By the way..some cancers can be cured and to include them as a potent side-effect is unfair.
Bhopal is a Red Herring
  • Bhopal remains a vibrant city with great music, art and even a theatre scene.
  • Like in every other Indian city, a few people in Bhopal are blind and few more have cancer.
  • Dow chemicals and Union Carbide have never been convicted with criminal liability in any court and are hence innocent.
  • It’s been 25 years since the disaster, it’s time we admit that Union Carbide has a halo around their heads.
  • The fact that reputable senior lawyers defend Union Carbide vehemently in trial courts in criminal proceedings proves their innocence. Lawyers such as these should be made into spokespeople for the Nuclear Liability bill. They understand how painful criminal proceedings can be for companies that act in India’s National Interests. 
  • Union Carbide may have known that the technology that they used in Bhopal was risky. So what? Every business has risks. Do you want us to become a society where the general public gets to participate in business decisions? Financial business risks have nothing to do with their lives! Only shareholders and management should have a right to opinion in such matters.
  • Business leaders have said that it is unfair to make Dow Chemicals clean up the mess at the Union Carbide plant. We need to put our faith behind such stalwarts who are leading the fight against anti-democratic elements (such as illiterate filthy tribals who don’t want to give up their land for the cause of development). There will be resistance when we need to open up more open-cast Uranium mines and we need to be prepared.
Why worry about the water table? There are alternatives!
  • We all know that bottled water is the future. So what if we drop a few chemicals into the water table – Beverage companies will be able to give us amazing drinking water from places like Plachimada.
  • Privatizing our water distribution system and giving it to folks like Bechtel can guarantee urban India all the water they need. 
  • Rainwater harvesting is for the communists.
  • E.g. - A recent incident where contaminated heavy after was mixed with drinking water at a nuclear plant was contained very well. Nobody died from drinking heavy water in that incident.QED.
Seizing the competitive advantage
  • For more than a few years now, the US has not commissioned a new nuclear reactor.
  • This shows their lack of foresight when it comes to growing energy needs. 
  • We need to beat China at everything and at any cost.
  • In case of the highly unlikely event of a nuclear incident, we have the medical skills to cope with things like cleft-lips, genetic deformities and cancers. IF they occur, we can cure them. 
Let us be democratic about Nuclear Liability
  • When we can’t demand a guarantee from our watermelon vendor, why should we demand a guarantee from the guys who build a nuclear reactor?
  • Democracy is about equality and furthering free enterprise isn’t it? All vendors should be equal in the eyes of the law. 
It’s about Dharma and Karma
  • Let us for a second assume that Nuclear technology is risky. If there is an incident, we know that vendors will take measures to fix the problem in future power plants. Everybody makes mistakes and can learn from them. Nuclear technology vendors need not be made into criminals for accidental mistakes. 
  • Based on the above assumption, a few people may be exposed to radiation that is supposedly dangerous. If anything like this does happen we must assess the karma of the people who are affected. Dharma demands that people who have bad Karma face the consequences of their actions in previous lives. You can’t blame the vendor for that. Such blame-games would harm the sentiments of the majority. 
  • We all know that opponents to the bill are either violent naxals or enviro terrorists or ISI agents.
How can you help get the Nuclear Liability Bill passed?
  • Corruption is illegal but lobbying is not!
    Get your MP to stop listening to Indian environment groups and scientists. The EPA is giving grants to people who can work within the system to create civil recourse as opposed to criminal recourse. Please get you parliamentarian to listen to people who have funding from the EPA. After all if they are supported by American EPA, they must have our interests in mind.
  • Direct Action! Talk to your local Resident's Welfare Association, MLA, MP and Corparator. Ask them to set aside land for a Nuclear Reactor in your neighbourhood. We must lead by example! It would be wonderful if the good folks of Koramangala, Banjara Hills and Cuffe Parade show us the way by proving that nuclear reactors are safe for their children.

  • Do not attend any Communist and/or Naxal Events. We need to become a nation of pragmatic realists concerned with National Interests. Urban Naxalities are romanticising the nuclear liability debate. They are doing this by incorrectly focussing attention on the risks associated with the complete nuclear lifecycle. Organizations like the Environment Support Group, The Corporate Accountability Desk and The Alternative Law Forum may organize seminars to discuss the Nuclear Liability issue. Please spread the word about these events and encourage people not to attend.

Issued in Public National Interest by

Society for The Prevention of Cruelty to Nuclear Technology Vendors

Note – STPCNTV was Established on April 1 and is an unregistered institution with one member.


  1. Ha! Ha! Ha! ..this is so outrageously funny!

    Thanks for the laughter, buddy.

  2. LOL...well said :D its kinda sad though that one has to be satirical to get people to see sense..

  3. @Noufel
    Thanks for the comments. Long time no twitter exchange.
    I was thinking of ways to try and get into the middle class mindset. We seem to have conveniently rationalized the need for nuclear power. One of the ways to do it was to erase the collective memory of Bhopal and the other was to make it appear super-safe. Any other approach to deal with this problem and I would have been flamed ;-)

  4. The tongue in cheek talk is really funny.But our nucleophiles often say much more absurd things as
    'Supreme truths'. The politicians just echo their words
    Ramachandran.Payyanur, Kerala

  5. @Ramachandran
    Agree. I have heard some weird stuff myself. For e.g. India needs to be a superpower and cannot do it without nuclear energy. People still don't understand that you can not take to negative visions for India and hope to get a positive outcome.

  6. That was NOT funny. This is pretty serious stuff that has been posted over here. We should be scared. Very very scared. Even more scared than we are of the 'maoists'. We are being sold. Just as a young girl is sold in the flesh market.

  7. @Ayana

    Thanks for the comments. Agree! This is very very serious.

    The Nuclear summit hosted by Obama and attended by Manmohan has been completely fogged over the EyePeeYell controversy.

    Nuclear security was the agenda - still trying to scan the net airwaves for Indian comment on Civil/Crminal Nuclear liability.

    I will be using this blogpost as comment on every 'think-tank' post that is rationalizing nuclear energy.


  8. @Anand
    Bloody informative post you got there man..Great job. People need to be informed of these issues. A few days back I joined a petion signing for green peace addressing this very same issue. I think that people need to be informed about this in a very large scale..unfortunately a blog might not be able to serve this purpose. It's just my personal opinion but how about posting an advertisement in a national daily? u by any chance happen to know about the issue of 'indian rivers being sold' ? Great post mate. Support from kolkata

  9. @dA storyteller


    Many folks are working on the Civil Nuclear Libility. A lot of this content is based on seminar that I attended where Greenpeace and Environment Support group were in full attendance.

    There is a lot of lobbying happening, most of it unfortunately of the "mentoring" kind. That said, the Environment Support Group has been educating MPs about the way the American EPA has been trying to change the Indian constitution.

    About rivers being sold - GULP! Here is a post that you want to check if you have the inclination -
    (Psssssst ... I was a speaker at the conference where an invitation to occupy rivers was being made...the problem is beyond serious)